If you’ve enjoyed an active sexual relationship during your marriage, then divorce can present a harsh reality. You need to find a new sexual partner or face a carnal fast.
Medical studies have confirmed major health and longevity benefits of staying sexually active with your life partner.
I’ve told my online community about an apiarian lifestyle that is based on a belief that the fountain of youth springs from eating bee products and enjoying sexual intimacy with your partner every day. The latter is difficult to achieve soon after a divorce, unless you’re lucky to get all cylinders firing in a new sexual relationship.
Discover 3 avoidable mistakes that newly single men and women often make when they introduce sex into a new dating relationship.
Mistake Number 1: Leaping from one committed relationship into another
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you may know how to love but not how to date. You may use your sexual energy to express love, and you assume your date feels and acts the same way. What if your date knows how to date but not how to love?
What to do instead:
Never assume what sex means to your partner. Ask them, before you engage. Then decide if your desires and vision for your intimate relationship are compatible.
If one of you desires a casual fling and one desires a forever love match, you may question whether your fleeting pleasure is worth the pain of your likely break up when your relationship goals clash.
Mistake Number 2: Hiding your real views of what you’re seeking in a sexual relationship
You may sense your date wouldn’t get involved with you if you were honest about wanting a casual sexual connection. So you tell them what they want to hear to get what you want. Then you move on for greener trails, as planned.
What to do instead:
Be honest about your desires and goals for your potential sexual relationship before you have sex. This frees your potential partner to be honest about their desires.
Your decision to move forward or part will support the best interests of each partner. It’s how you live and love with honor.
Mistake Number 3: Being careless about safe sex
You may not have needed protected sex in your long-term relationship.
After your break up, you bring that sense of security into your new sexual relationship.
You assume a single person is free of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) unless they look sick or weak.
You believe a date who says they’ve only dated a couple people since their break up.
What to do instead:
Before choosing a new sex partner, take their sexual history and share yours.
Ask if they’ve ever had any STDs, including genital warts. This virus (HPV) is now thought to cause not only cancer of cervix but cancers of throat and mouth in people who engage in oral sex. If they’re HPV positive, ask if they’ve been treated.
Ask if they’re been tested for HIV in past six months, which is the amount of time it takes from infection to detection of this virus in tests.
Ask your partner’s sexual history since their HIV and STD tests or treatment.
Ask the sexual history of their partners, since they can unwittingly spread STDs from their infected partners without showing any symptoms.
Get a mutual agreement to use a condom. Any resistance is a sign of a selfish or reckless sexual partner. Are those traits you desire in a sexual partner?
After you ask these questions and weigh the answers, check out your gut feeling before you agree to have sex. This helps you make a conscious decision whether it’s in your best interests to start a new sexual relationship.
And if you’re single and seeking to meet your great love, I invite you to enjoy a free month membership in the Singles Club in Tribe Of Blondes. Not a hair color, it’s a resilient, optimism that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.
The Singles Club was created by author, Hadley Finch–a real-life Carrie Bradshaw who writes about love and relationships. Hadley’s articles, podcasts and novel, TRIBE OF BLONDES, are inspired by her online dating adventures in 3 continents and 200 blind dates after her long marriage ended in divorce.